“Only in the darkness
can you see the stars” – Martin Luther King, Jr.
THE YEAR 1985 WAS “annus mirabilis” – year for me. It was a magical experience as I shouted my arrival with screams and tears of trepidation, to enter this amazing world.
Today, I’m ecstatic, as I gleefully share with you an incredible tale of victory and tragedy; an awe-filled wonder that will keep you hypnotized.
My story begins on a cold night in the parched hinterlands of Kitui, in a small and idyllic village, a village united both by its ambitions and travails, as I cogitate on the purpose of my life.
It’s around midnight, dark and frightening, my arms full of goose bumps as bitter winds blow from the farms. I sit outside my Dad’s old house: the villagers are deep in their sleep.
Now, are you ready for one of the GREATEST stories ever told?
My name is SHEM MUTULU, and I am perpetually cheerful, which I inherited from my jovial cattle rearing youth.
This BLOG is a soul-baring revelation of my life, and a gripping inspirational story that’s hard to put down.
It’s an emotional and compelling roller-coaster, marked with humble gratitude amid tremendous adversity in a munificent heart.
This blog serves me as a megaphone, to shout to the world that there is HOPE.
The primary purpose of this blog is to help me vent fears, rage and frustrations as I seek to pursue my coveted goal.
I keep this blog as a cherished memento, and a poignant reminder of my childhood dream of becoming a Theologian and a Christian Author, a dream that’s worthy chasing with an insatiable curiosity, a dream I began conceptualizing when I was, but a little boy.
This blog will inspire and stir every emotion in you, and let me say, it’s simply fascinating.
I appreciate your time!
The devastating throes of despair can make anyone relent. Perhaps it’s the easiest thing to do in the world, but NOT me. I refuse to join the band-wagon of pessimists!
The world is a painful place, and life in it can be unpleasant and often disappointing.
But, to have gratitude and serenity amidst suffering is not for the lily-livered but the valiant.
KENYA is my domicile, and I can state with certitude that, when you visit my local village for the first time in the outskirts of KITUI TOWN, you will be enthralled by the august surroundings in which you will find yourself.
Life in the boondocks is both a thrilling and a chilling experience!
Like an actor in a bevy of starlets, you will be surrounded by a bevy of altruistic locals.
Please note that, the arid place is everything you would expect it to be: Hot, sunny, dusty roads, vast swathes with no infrastructure, dry brooks and rivulets, withered trees, knolls and frightening Pythons.
Ironically, I’m still ophidiophobic and generally herpetophobic. Reptiles leave me terrified.
Honestly, let me say, the sun-baked hamlet is my home and has made me who I am today.
I grew up in that village where huts have quaint thatched roofs, and I know every nook and cranny of it.
This is where I saw the broken lives and dreams of so many villagers who were caught up in the clutches of poverty. The vagary of adversity is real here.
Coming from a humble background and while growing up, I noticed with great sadness, that as a family we struggled a lot; from a tempest-tossed schooling to starvation, and survival was always precarious, forcing me to be as wily as a fox in order to survive.
I was phlegmatic and nonchalant for a long time, only to learn dismayed that dreams are not born out of indolence, when Helen Hayes inspired “If you rest, you rust”. There is no looking back.
An air of melancholy surrounds me whenever I exhume my buried dark past, becoming nostalgic and maudlin, especially when I think of Mummy, and how she made sure that we read every night by the flickering light of a kerosene lamp. This she knew, was the only way to a rewarding life.
One of the greatest gifts I have ever received from Mum was witnessing her courage with which she bore adversity.
We had a bit of a roller-coaster life and a very challenging financial times. But, Mummy remained calm, unshaken, completely peaceful and ebullient, loving and a jovial Mum.
She taught me to stand, when it was hardest to stand.
I was often reminded of a quote from William Arthur Ward that states, “Adversity causes some men to break; others to break records”. I chose the latter!
Her immortal love is POWERFUL than the blessings of the eternal mountains, the bounties of the everlasting hills.
Her indomitable spirit is a constant inspiration to me. Thank you Mum!
I suffered a lot of pain and heart-breaks that a poverty-stricken life brings. Crushed by the weight of the world, I indulged in alcoholism in my youth in the hope of finding solace.
Soon I was overcome by a terrible apathy due to chronic alcoholism and Khat chewing; I had to pay the price of addiction with bouts of debilitating depression and a vicious cycle of pain and grief.
I was consumed with shame and guilt. I suffered from a severe Digestive Disorder and I wondered whether I would survive to tell the tale.
Thank GOD, I am the face of Redemption! God knows how to use the mud and mire to mold people into messengers of Hope. His Word – the BIBLE has been a steady, unfailing compass and the pillar of strength.
The burden brought by the Drug Abuse caused deep sorrow to my soul and body. I was feeble and utterly crushed. My heart in complete anguish, weighed down with dissipation. I was too troubled to speak as I writhed in agony of my pain. I was a slave! The yoke was too heavy to bear!.
What a wretched man I was?
I was a sensitive and lonely child, often downcast, and feeling exhausted, asthenic and enervated like Eddie Izzard when he attempted to run 27 marathons in 27 days.
I was impecunious and lost in oblivion!
Drugs left me levitating in a delirium of hopelessness and helplessness.
It felt like my prayers were hitting the ceiling and the horrible pangs of anxiety were dreadful. I hid behind an emotional platform so bruised and broken.
I was like a sailor tossed at the sea, clinging to a swaying mast.
I shed many tears. I prayed for help. I was angry. I had hit rock bottom!
I was brittle in the face of adversity. I felt singled out when adversity struck. I shook my head and wondered,”Why me LORD?”
I bitterly learned the harshness of this world!
Like a mountaineer trying to grasp a proper purchase on slippery rocks, I floundered; I was running on empty and soon my life was left higgledy-piggledy.
I was trapped behind an invisible wall, trust me. I was jolted to the core!
My days were cold, unwieldy, vapid, humdrum, horrendous, hollow and I crept and stumbled myself through one of my darkest seasons of life. I felt empty and aloof which haunted me for years leaving me with emotional scars, unbearable heart and my soul forlorn.
I was crestfallen, desolate and withdrawn and soon I descended into full-blown existential crisis, becoming tearfully sentimental and gripped with disturbing suicidal thoughts. – I remained incredulous for quite some time and weathering such an emotional storm was blood chilling.
Laden with pain, my heart was literary bleeding – It was arduous and the eeriest, unfathomable feeling which left me flummoxed and speechless.
I was deep in a spiral of hopelessness and despair!
I wandered and wallowed like a waif. I was mortified! I wandered like a way-ward child!
My life was simply doleful and in doldrums. It was like a bull in a China shop. It was cloudy and confusing. It was a life of endless internal torment and struggle. I couldn’t hold on to my dream, wandering like a carefree vagabond!
Life brought deep sorrow and left an emptiness in my heart. I felt intense loneliness and nothing could heal my emotional wounds, except Jesus!
I soon found myself on the horns of a dilemma.
It was hard to see all my friends begin their careers, achieve their academic goals, while I had nothing, not even little hope that I was going to survive.
I was perplexed and crushed beyond repair, not only in body but in spirit. I remained bleak and dismal. I felt lonely amidst crowds. I was a pariah and in a quagmire. Seeing my helplessness and strength diminish, was very sad.
I was frightened about the future and that’s when my confidence suffered a significant nosedive and for the first time, I lost my fierceness and became as docile as a sheep!
I felt broken and helpless and like a scumbag. But when Jesus stepped in, on Friday, 7th August 2015, He fixed it all. Just like a janitor with a bunch of keys, Jesus came knocking with the keys of life, healing and prosperity and He gave them to me. I found Jesus at a time in my life when I was a mess and had hit rock bottom.
Today, I am salubrious: Praise GOD!
GOD helped me, and in spite of dire dilemmas I remain unscathed, passionate, venturesome and upbeat. I am happy my spirit remains intact and in full verve.
It’s as if a veil is being lifted from my eyes.
Without Jesus, dreams wither and die, believe me!
I am an example of patient endurance. The trials were for the sanctification for character.
Today, I am as strong as a pugilist. I’m bold and stout-hearted!
Through all these, I come out unshaken especially when it comes to my purpose of inspiring change while connecting with people and helping them achieve their goals.
I remain humble in heart and contrite in spirit.
I am a poster-boy of simplicity and humility!
I can only qualify to be used as a case-study whenever Resilience examples are required.
I am gregarious, sassy, intrepid and a person of unflinching focus, very decisive, with discipline that’s enviable.
I rarely give up once I want something.
I’m an ardent and avid reader and after years of reading self-help books, painstaking advice and sedulous labor, exposure, meditation, meeting wonderful people, pod-cast messages, and reading uplifting websites especially http://www.gotquestions.org – I now feel emboldened, aglow, alive and redeemed.
Today, I’m happier because I have known sadness. My heart is bursting with compassion.
Today I’m strong, vigorous and sure-footed! I’m enjoying emotional freedom I once thought impossible.
My world, once a jail is now alive with possibilities.
I’m radiant and stirred up, my face never covered with shame.
I feel like soaring up to the sky like a Jet.
Like the almond tree, I blossom!
I am as happy as a whelp. I appear colorful and PRAYER is the watchword!
I choose to get the pain of the past out of me; That’s why I pray and blog on it.
Through this, my faith is restored and it makes me feel invigorated.
I have the zeal to study, and I won’t allow tribulations to pull me out or vacillate – I know the world is waiting for my next adventure.
Like the cry of a bird perched on an evergreen in the middle of a cemetery, HOPE truly can rise above pain, confusion and dilemma!
I know I’m the only one responsible for my life, so I must keep a fighting spirit to close this dark chapter which I believe is ephemeral, and like the proverbial phoenix, I rise from the ashes!
It’s my time to rise above that morass.
Poverty is nothing to wish for. It’s vexing, afflicting, desperate and unpleasant state and without great passion, the zeal to succeed and lofty ambitions, it may shatter dreams.
Poverty is an anathema; an oppressive ruler with iron fist: It’s stressful and energy-sapping like drudgery. It’s as difficult as it sounds.
However, I’m grateful for my pain and suffering because there is nothing that has helped me to understand the fleeting beauty of life more than these. They also inspired in me the wonderful zeal for knowledge that I have and the call to uplift others.
I remain devoted and this makes me impregnable to the vicissitudes of life.
My faith and firm Belief in GOD will never be shipwrecked.
You will find me dauntless and veracious because I am a lover of the truth.
This dream makes me jump out of my bed. It’s like sacred beckoning to my soul and my cherished goal!
I’d love to hone my penmanship skills while writing great Christian and Motivational books.
I will be glad to be in the coterie of Theologians!
Theology makes me eager to Learn, bother to Listen and above all, Act. I need to work on my indescribable GIFT!
Failure to achieve my goal of studying Theology, will be worse than futile.
It’s my impeccable desire to navigate the world with boldness in my duty of fulfilling the Great Commission.
I am known for my communication acumen and my service to the helpless. This has led me to spend many hours on Pro-bono and Pro-Deo assignments in charitable organizations.
I believe these are my spiritual graces that I was given to fulfill the Great Commission and the mission of the church.
Failure to join Theology school will make many miss my wealth and love for serving people. But, it’s the pro-bono crowd that will miss out most.
Theology will enable me fulfill my purpose, and that’s where I will show my true mettle in communication prowess.
I’m quick in learning the ropes, so I’ll easily flaunt my talents as I learn a summed up package with vital lessons in Leadership skills, public speaking and effective communication that will be essential in realization of my dream.
I hope to enjoy a good sense of camaraderie with co-savants.
It’s tough though to chart my way to university and study because of lack of funds. But when push comes to shove, I’ll not be scared to turn the page.
I want to shine in something that verily connects with my soul.
I want to be a Theologian. A Media Pundit. And a passionate ambassador of what I adore.
I consider myself a paragon of virtue and a positive role model for the youth!
I will be a trailblazing and towering academician through RESILIENCE.
It’s my ambition to live an industrious life, so that I don’t depend on anybody.
The going is hard, but my love for Journalism is INIMITABLE!
I have no time to be despondent. I choose to be sanguine.
“To share your weakness is to make yourself vulnerable; to make yourself vulnerable is to show your strength.” – Criss Jami
I’m not sharing this looking for commiseration; I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.
My past is obsolete and I’m pegging my hope on my beatific future.
Though life has thrown a few curve balls my way, I’ve not missed to be grateful.
In life there must be tough and lean times, and when trials and frustration creeps in – I remain unbowed.
Trust me, everyone has a weakness, a gap in the castle wall.
So many people are hurting, others in life threatening situations.
Neither I’m I perfect, but I share this as someone who is bold enough to speak out his heart. I also find catharsis in sharing my pain.
Through sharing the pain, healing began in earnest!
Honestly speaking, I’m doing great and because of my past, I have developed that feeling of inner peace, strength and confidence, which allows me to have an emotional empathy and to be truly glowing.
It also helped me know my Gifts!
It’s my bulldog determination that with Theology, I will be accoutred to the teeth and I will use my talents to inspire people throughout the world.
I want it! I must get it!
My greatest goal is to live for others. With that I won’t wallow in despair.
Sometimes I shudder to imagine where I would be if I didn’t start school. My early school taught me tolerance and open-mindedness of unmatched value.
I am affable, and like malleable clay in the hands of a skilled potter, I can be molded and shaped in the hands of the master.
I remain adaptable with a warm and memorable approach and adjustable because I know in life opportunities abound.
I am an indefatigable and prolific writer, and through writing I can express my love, my anger, my joy, my dreams, my feelings and my all.
Writing is socially stimulating.
It’s my peerless and uncanny ability to inspire the world.
That’s why I TELL IT TO JESUS!
In tenderness He sought me when I had wandered far away like a wayward child.
Find me Reading and Blogging in my free time.
SMILE AND SHINE!